Feeling a little guilty that I haven't blogged lately.

Up until now I've had my sister in law coming most days to help with the housework and the older kids. She's been a real blessing. Tomorrow is her last day and I am trying my darnedest not to panic. I know we'll get through somehow, but how, I don't know. The original plan was to hire another student to replace her, or even my sister, but that money just needs to go elsewhere. My hope is that the kids will be able to pick up the slack, especially with summer vacation on the horizon. Realistically, that probably won't be the way it happens.

My husband had to go into the office today and he's pulling an overnighter. It is SO HARD when he is gone. It really makes me appreciate the nights he is here.

Adoption non-update

Any thoughts, prayers, etc that we'll be able to get a travel date soon would be appreciated. This has dragged on for soooo long, nearly 2 years. At this point life without the boys is crazy enough and there are plenty of times that I'm grateful they're not here yet. I am barely treading water as it is. But. We have been longing for this, and planning for it, for so long now I just want the time to be here. I want the boys to be here, so we can begin getting used to each other and move onto life beyond that. I feel like we've been in limbo for so long.

How does a person listen to 2 babies scream non-stop for 18 hours a day, and not end up severely depressed or psychotic? That's the $64,000 question. Let me know if you have the answer.

I'm so worried about Indigo. She throws up everything she eats.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Our Farm.

I made an appointment with my therapist today. We really can't afford it right now but I haven't been for several months and I really need help sorting things out. My life is so blessed. I feel guilty for not being incredibly happy all of the time. I have so many thoughts careening through my head and I feel so helpless so much of the time. Having someone to talk to really helps me to figure things out and devise a plan of action. I know I need to make some changes and make a place for ME in my life. I am so busy taking care of everyone else that I neglect myself, and yet I don't know how to go about changing that. Life is so complicated with a workaholic husband and two little babies, not to mention the other kids and their various needs. Some days I feel like I'm just going to explode, and today is one of those days.

I really regret getting a perm. It looks cute when Marcee styles it, but I cannot recreate the look myself. Instead I'm stuck with frizzy scarecrow hair, as you can see from the picture below. I miss my old hair. :'(

The big day

Things didn't start off so hot. I decided to go ahead and go to Park City but by the time I got the babies ready and loaded and figured out how to work the double stroller there wasn't time to go to Park City and still get back in time for lunch with my sisters. So I decided to take Talysa and drive to Fashion Place mall. I wanted to get some jeans and look at diaper bags. I had a headache but didn't think much of it, just grabbed some Advil and a Pepsi on my way out of town.

By the time we got to the mall I had a raging migraine which the Advil didn't touch. I'd also wasted a half hour looking for the Nordstrom Rack before realizing it was nowhere near where we were. The babies, who'd slept beautifully all the way up, were awake and hungry and screaming. I fed them quickly, loaded them up, and went into Nordstrom. I had a whole 15 minutes to shop and they fussed the whole time. My head was killing me and the whole thing was a joke.

I drove to my mother-in-law's and left Talysa and the twins with her while I drove to meet my sisters for lunch at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Lunch was yummy and I always enjoy spending time with my sisters. Tara gave me a beautiful picture frame with little charms for photos of my children. Chalise is going to make me a bracelet. Marcee gave me a lightweight water bottle, MP3 case, anatomically correct running socks, and a belt to attach everything. It meant so much to me that my sisters know me so well. I left lunch feeling upbeat and happier, even though my head still hurt.

I went to the mall and bought some jeans and my favorite Aveda lotion. I drove back to pick up the girls and then came home.

Phil's fabulous gift to me was that he'd cleaned out the room we used to use for homeschooling and now use for extra storage and made it into an exercise room. He bought me a TV player and DVD player for my workout videos, weighted balls to use with my
Walk Away the Pounds routine, a treadmill (yippee!), a weight bench and weights, and mats for the floor. I am so psyched. He set everything up today and I can't wait to get started.

At night my sister watched the twins and Talysa watched the other kids so that we could go out to eat at Rumbi's Grill. Dinner was delicious, although I got sick afterwards. The long day was taking its toll on me and my migraine was still with me. Phil and I went to Best Buy to look at MP3 players and then to Barnes & Noble and the grocery store. All in all it was a very happy birthday. :)

Tomorrow is my birthday! I'll be 34.

I feel bad because I spoiled my birthday surprise. Tonight my husband told me that in the morning I could go to the Coach outlet and buy something (my all time favorite thing to do). I was so excited, but then I got to thinking that I'd rather put that money toward a treadmill instead. I really want to get back into shape and it's so hard to get both babies settled enough that I can leave the house and go to the track. And it's too cold right now to take them out. So I told my husband I'd rather buy an MP3 player or go comparison shopping for treadmills. From the look on his face I immediately knew I'd said the wrong thing. It turns out those were the two things he was thinking of getting me, and he was sending me to the Coach outlet so I'd be out of the house long enough for him to get the treadmill and get it set up. If only I'd known I could have had that and a Coach purse to boot ;-)

Ever since I ruined the surprise he's been in a bad mood. I know he had a long day at work so that doesn't help. I feel really bad, and no matter how much I reassure him that I'm delighted with the surprise, it didn't turn out the way he had envisioned it.