Most of the time I'm ok with the knowledge that our adoptions aren't happening. We still haven't received word from Taiwan about the young girl, and I don't expect we ever will. Why they don't say no rather than keep us hanging is a mystery, but I've come to accept it.

The same goes for the Samoan boys. I will have 8 children keeping me busy, and most days I'm okay with not adopting more anytime soon. I've come to accept that Samoa has stopped processing adoptions, and that it just isn't happening. The boys are probably better off in Samoa, in many ways. Most days I have peace.

But some days it still hurts like nothing else. They were ours. In the eyes of the Samoan court, they were our children. They've been ours in our hearts for so many years. My younger kids ask when they're coming home. My heart breaks when I think of all the nights and months I've cried for them. It just doesn't seem fair. If they're our boys, why can't we bring them home?

I've been tagged by Amanda

Four jobs you have had in your life?

• chemical technician for a supplement manufacturer
• emergency room assistant (volunteer) at the hospital
• teaching chem lab at a university
• layaway manager at Shopko

Four Movies you would watch over and over:

• I really don't like to rewatch movies.

Four Places You've Lived:

• Orem, UT
• Ogden, UT
• Hagerstown, MD
• Mapleton, UT

Four TV Shows you love to watch:

I don't watch TV but I watch the following on DVD or my ipod:

• Lost
• Law & Order
• CSI
• Alias

Four websites I visit daily:

• Amity Mama
• Mothering
• Peas and Carrots
• various blogs

Four of my favorite foods:

• ice cream
• mashed potatoes
• Harry and David's moose munch
• chips and queso dip

Four places I would rather be right now:

• on a date with my hubby
• Hawaii
• Jamaica
• Israel

Four bloggers I am tagging:

Tamra

Sarah

Elizabeth

Jessica

37 questions

1. What is your occupation?

I'm a SAHM. Mostly recently (5 years ago) I worked as a chem tech.

2. What color is your underwear right now?

white

3. What are you listening to right now?

The movie Soccer Dog is on in the background.

4. What was the last thing you ate?

Waffles and a protein drink

5. Do you wish on stars?

Rarely

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Burnt sienna

7. How is the weather right now?

Snowing like crazy - we probably got 2 feet last night!

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

My sister in law

9. Do you like kids?

Yes, especially mine. ;-)

10. How old are you today?

34

11. Favorite drink?

water

12. Favorite sport to watch?

football

13. Do you wear contacts or glasses?

glasses mostly

14. Pets?

A whole barnyard full out back, no house pets

15. Favorite month?

April

16. Favorite food?

Ice cream

17. What was the last movie you watched?

Rumor has it

18. Favorite Day of Year?

My birthday

19.What do you do to vent anger?

Write in my journal, sometimes yell

20. What was your favorite toy as a child?

The only one I remember is My Little Professor

21. Fall or Spring?

I love both - probably fall

22. Hugs or kisses?

hugs

23. Cherry or Blueberry?

blueberry

24. Living arrangements?

We have a home in a rural area

25. When was the last time you cried?

Are you kidding? I cry almost every day.

26. What is on the floor of your closet?

belly cast, Sally Spicer weekender bag, shoes that need to be put away

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest?

My friend Jennifer. We only keep in touch sporadically but we've been friends since kindergarten

28. What did you do last night?

I *thought* I had a Photoshop class. I showed up and turns out I had the wrong night, so I came home and went to bed early.

29. Favorite smell?

chocolate or peach

30. What or who inspires you?

My mom. She was pretty close to perfect.

31. What are you afraid of?

spiders, mice, not being a good mother

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?

cheese. I've never even heard of a spicy burger

33. Favorite car?

suburban

34. Favorite dog breed?

german shepherd

35. Number of keys on your key ring?

4 or 5?

36. How many states have you lived in?

3, 2 were only briefly

37. What do you do in your spare time, hobbies?

reading, computer time

15 weeks and finally a real blog entry

I haven't been feeling well the last few days. My uterus feels very heavy and it's uncomfortable for me to move about or change positions. There's something funky going on with my sciatic nerve, too. I'm not complaining though. It's been a good while since I've had a bad headache and I'm so glad that the nausea is gone. Overall I feel quite good; it's just that I felt really good up until a few days ago.

I had a nice trip to San Francisco. I started missing the babies immediately, but it was good to get away. I totally pampered myself shopping at Lush and had plenty of time to catch up on sleep. We visited the Golden Gate Bridge and I got to eat at The Cheesecake Factory.

I've enrolled in some community education classes that I'm fairly enthusiastic about. Parenting with Love and Logic is one that the husband and I will take together. I'm a little burned out on parenting philosophies, and trying to mold myself into the perfect parent so that my kids will do their chores and get along. But I'm willing to give this a shot, since it's a free class and I've heard good things about the program. I've also signed up for a photography class that will hopefully teach me more than just the bare bones basics, and a Photoshop class. I'd really like to take some in-depth photography classes but I'll have to drive at least 20 minutes for that and I figure I'd try these first.

My oldest is getting braces next month, and G got 6 cavities filled last month. Little by little I'm trying to get everyone in to see the dentist. My 3 year old had an appointment today - no cavities! Hurray for that.