I had a dream a month or two ago about our adoption. When I awoke, it was with the distinct impression that we needed to get all our affairs in order so that we would be prepared when our adoption goes through. I clung tight to that dream, but as the months have passed and things in Samoa have deteriorated I have lost hope.

I've heard from a few people who have a Samoan referral that the attorneys are sending new affadavits. The process seems to be resuming. We won't know anything for sure until someone has a successful adoption under these new laws. Even then, it doesn't necessarily mean anything to us since our situation is particularly unique. But it gives me a glimmer of hope.

All About Me

Relationship status: married
Height: 5'4"
Shoe: 6.5
Parents still together: My mom has died; my dad has remarried
Siblings: 4 sisters, 1 brother
Pets: no indoor pets; we have 40 something outside in the barnyard.
Favourites Colour: blue
Number: 2
Animal: Dog
Drinks: water
Soda: Pepsi, *sigh*
Book: Probably Dear and Glorious Physician. It's been so long since I've read it. I love Patricia Cornwell's novels.
Do you color your hair: sometimes
Like cleaning: No.
Know how to drive: Yes.
Have you ever been in a physical fight: once
Stolen anything: In my youth.
Held a gun: Yes.
Drank: Yes, more than 10 years ago.
Been in love: yes.
Lied to someone: yes
Cried over a boy: yes
Current clothing: Yoga pants from Wurst Wear (my fave), a T shirt, and Birkenstocks w/ arch support inserts because my feet are kililng me.
Current thing I ought to be doing: folding laundry, packing up things for charity
Current CDs in car stereo: Blues Travelet
Recently reading: Cause of Death.
Next on my list: Hornet's Nest.
Last movie you saw: American Zion. Really good.
Last person you talked to on the phone: My sister, Marcee.
Do you play an instrument: piano.
Do you read the newspaper: As little as possible.

Tell that to my neighbors

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

Heh. I'm much more normal than I thought.

Tip: Don't bake cookies for the neighbors when you're trying to lose weight.

Day 3 and I succumbed to temptation. Thank goodness for FitDay. I may have lost my resolve and eaten a cookie (or 6) but I can still stay under my caloric goal for the day. Unless I make that lasagna for tonight...

Day One

No sugar. And I exercised too. Don't fall off your chair, mm-kay?

And since it's midnight

I can say Happy Anniversary to me!

I'm okay

A few of you have asked (thank you) and I'm okay. Major, major stress but we're still treading water. I don't want to go into details but positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Some good things have happened these past few days, and plenty of not good. I'm taking each day (or hour) at a time and trying to have faith that 6 months from now life will be less complicated.

I'd better start counting my blessings because I am starting to feel really sorry for myself today.

• I'm fairly healthy.
• I have 7 beautiful, healthy children whom I adore.
• We have a roof over our heads and room to spare.
• We have a working vehicle, even it the other is in the shop and we can't all fit in one car.
• I am close with most of my siblings.
• I was raised by righteous, devoted parents.
• I love the gospel.
• I live in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
• My children enjoy school and have good friends.
• We have food in our pantry and garden.

That helps, a little.

The fat lady isn't singing yet

I received an email today from our agency. Our letter did get to Samoa and things are being worked on from that end. Nothing has changed, really, except that I'm going to keep hoping. If the birth family still wants to place the children, maybe we do still have a chance of bringing them home.

Did I already post that T is getting his top two teeth?

Banned books I've read

From Phantom Scribbler and Wet Feet, here's the list of the 100 most frequently challenged books from 1990-2000. The ones in bold are the ones I've read. Now I'm curious about some of the ones I haven't.

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine - which I no longer let my 10 and 11 year old read
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous - which is a true story written by someone who lived not far from where I grew up
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry - I haven't read this one, but I did do a research paper on the topic in college
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein - say it isn't so!
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle - which I recently reviewed with my 10 and 11 yr old sons
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman - which conjures nostalgic memories of my childhood, but is apparently not politically correct
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

I have emailed our agency twice for an update but haven't heard back yet. The new Samoan law says that off-island adoptions will not be permitted unless no one on the island can care for the child. In addition, all adoptions will need to be approved by the Attorney General, who does not want non-Samoans adopting the Samoan children. There are some who don't like that she has given herself so much power, but that's how the law stands at this time.

Our situation is a little bit different. Theoretically, since the judge already signed our paperwork, we are just waiting for the US Consulate to issue the boys' visas. However, the person at the consulate is disapproving of the Samoan adoptions in general, and with the changes in Samoa a whole lot of little things would have to go our way for us to bring them home.

I tell myself I shouldn't give up hope, but for the most part, I have.