You know how they say that losing a child can destroy a marriage. I get it now. It hurts like nothing else but I get it. Things are falling apart in Samoa and I can't stop brooding. Phil, on the other hand, wants to work on the yard. I want to hash and rehash. I don't care one whit about the yard today. I know it's his way of dealing, of distracting himself, but I feel that we're being pulled apart.

I am desperately trying not to lose hope. I know - I think - that this is in the Lord's hands and worrying will get me nowhere. I don't have it in me to type all the details out now but I really fear that we are not going to be bringing these boys home. My heart is breaking.