I've spent the last couple of weeks poring over adoption listings and photos. I've decided it must be my way of accepting that we have probably lost the boys, and trying to move on. I've even inquired about several children, but each time it has become apparent that they're not the right child for our family. I wish I could sit still and just bide my time and wait to see what happens. A year from now would be much better timing for beginning a new adoption. But it is so hard to sit here and do nothing.